Well let's start by saying Merry Christmas everyone.
How do we know it's Christmas? Because we are all skint and the supermarkets are so busy 2 African children died in the stampede to the tills. Also the salvation army has made an appearance on our tv's in recent weeks wanting merely £19 to help the poor homeless man on the street jack up for Christmas. Does anyone actually know what the Salvation Army do the other 11 months of the year? I imagine sit around in funny hats working with the government to help evict people from there homes in time for Christmas perhaps?
I have recently moved into a new block of flats which has been lovely. So far we havent met any of the neighbours but fear not! In the spirit of Christmas blocking my hallway on the floor was a card. To Flat 10. Open it. Merry Christmas from flat 9. What a monumentas waste of effort and card! That's not even the worst bit. The worst bit is flat 9 obviously had a hidden agenda... You know as soon as you open a card you are then obliged to waste your effort in giving a card back or forever be known throughout all the flats as the prick in flat 10 who never gave a card back. I sucked it up and done my bit giving a card back. Now word clearly got around. 2 days later... To flat 10 from bev and Roy flat 13. Now I'm sorry bev and Roy but your too late. Im out of cards and your not worth me buying another pack. Therefore you can fuck off!
*Names have NOT been changed in this story to protect anonymity because I don't give a fuck.
I wonder how many people this year didn't buy Christmas presents because the world was going to end Friday 21st 2012? Thanks to the Mayans many children will have to go without presents this year because parents spent all there cash, maxed out all there cards and locked the kids in a cupboard and fucked off in holiday to enjoy life. With your help of just £19 a month we can extend there holiday for 1 whole day.... So please... Don't be selfish and give something back this christmas.
So what's next for me?
Well... It's almost 2013 and it's looking to be a god awful year and no doubt the world is going to end..again...so stay tuned for many more rants.
In the mean time enjoy your Christmas dinner and the usual jokes about your small manhood when you get the cracker with the tweezers in and say thanks. Thanks it's only once a year!
